Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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